POSITIVEly Questioning Myself

When I was a kid, my parents called me "Norm," as in Norman Vincent Peale. This was right after we got City Slickers on video, so I thought they were nicknaming me after the calf that Billy Crystal delivered in the movie. After I finally got upset, they explained who Norman Vincent Peale was: the author of The Power of Positive Thinking. I think of myself as a "glass half-full" type of person (unless, of course, you see someone pour half of a glass out, in which case, I think I would then and only then call it half-empty). It seems, though, that others no longer see me as "Norm." This morning, a student informed me that he "never hears anything positive in class" from me. Granted, this is only one period of the day, and the opinion of one student in that one class. And he told me this at the prompting of the counselor and his parent, both of whom suggested positive reinforcement as a behavior modification for me to use with him, so that idea was in his head. But STILL! It breaks my heart to think that my students might not feel uplifted, empowered, positive, supported, and educated by their time spent with me. Tonight, I was baby-talking to Hudson. "That's right, Hud! See, getting jammies on is fun! You've got it!" He was grumpy, so I was trying to keep him smiling, and the "goochie-goo" voice usually has that effect for a couple of minutes. Hannah started grinning at me, in the background. I asked her in the same voice, "Do you like it when Mommy talks this way?" She affirmed. As the conversation continued, she revealed that my baby voice means LOVE. So, by not using it with her, she thinks I love Hudson more than I love her. I don't use the baby voice with her. Honestly, the voice feels forced and sarcastic but it calms Hudson who is still learning words but gets tone already. And Hannah's not a baby. So unless we're role-playing with her as a baby, I don't use the sing-song with her. Apparently, in her mind, that boils down to I love her less. Maybe I'm not being positive enough with her. Hannah and Hudson mean the world to me, and I work so hard not to say "No" to either of them, to keep it positive. Here's a positive: I'm positive that I need to change my approach and wording with kids. Hannah, Hudson, and my students all deserve to hear the positive things I think. I pray for the strength to show them that side of me so that they know how much I value them. Not feeling so positive about myself now...

Gender roles

Okay. I'm going to say it. I HATE stereotyping gender roles. I don't agree with them. I feel they set kids up to grow up thinking and acting in certain ways because that's what is expected of them. Hannah played t-ball this summer and is signed up for soccer. She loves "wrackling" (her word for a mix of wrestling and tackling) with her Daddy. Her favorite movies are Toy Story and Cars. Don't get me wrong: she can be "girlie," too. She likes getting dressed up for church usually and loves taking care of her stuffed animals and dolls. The other night way after her bedtime, Hannah told me in her matter-of-fact adult tone that she changed her mind a bunch about what she wants to be when she grows up. I told her that was the great thing about life: you could think about different things you'd want to do and try on different jobs. Her current aspiration: to be a mommy. :-) Now, for Hudson. He sits in a pink bumbo (because I'm too cheap to buy another one when we have a perfectly good one right here). He squeals in a higher pitch than Hannah. And, man, can he pitch a fit when you try to wipe his face or when he wakes up at 1 am, again at 3 am, and one more time at 5 am. He also is much more sensitive about teething than Hannah ever was. He is stubborn -- continually going for the wires, remote control, and Hannah's toys, even after a no. If he gets to grab a toy of Hannah's, he really likes her baby dolls (I think it's the tough plastic of their hands because he chews on them). Hannah's my "baby girl," while Hudson is my "little man." Do I really do this? I try not to. Since I grew up in a house full of girls, one of my biggest fears I've had since I was young about raising a boy and a girl is that I would have double standards and be tested on all this! I want both of them to be strong, independent, well rounded people. Dave asked me the other night if he couldn't even teach Hudson chivalry -- things like opening the door for a woman, paying for a date, etc. Yes, but I would like Hannah to hold the door open for someone else who needs it, too. But how would I feel if she had to pay on a first date? Hmmm... The tests to my theories are only beginning!

Lessons learned

It happens regularly. I am going about life, thinking that I'm teaching Hannah a thing or two. Then, bam, she hits me with little things that speak volumes about her and me. Lesson One: Sometimes, it's okay to put my children's needs and wants over others'. Today at church, I happened to look up to notice that a little girl was sad because they were out of crayons for the children's packets. Hannah had gotten a set of 8 crayons, so I thought that she could share since she wouldn't even use 1/2 of them. I snuck back to give them to her, not realizing that Hannah had followed me. More importantly, I did not ASK Hannah or even explain to her what I was doing. I just gave. I was thinking, learning opportunity: we share. After Hannah and I went to the bathroom so she could cry it out, I realized what I had done. I put someone else's wants above my baby's. I was doing it in Christian spirit and to teach her to share, but I didn't tell her what I was doing or give her the choice of which colors to share. I hurt her feelings and confused her, and that is the last thing that I should do for my little girl. While I don't think this one incident will scar her for life, I find myself doing that in other ways to. I'll get frustrated with her for wanting more snuggle time when I need to be up grading for my students, for instance. I'm probably being a little hard on myself, but I do think that there is something to be said for letting her know that she is most important to me. Lesson Two: My children sometimes want the things that I can do for them. I've been weepy all week about going back to school and not getting as much time with my babies. I have loved every second of this summer with Hannah and Hudson. Hannah and I have talked about our favorite things we've done this summer each evening this week. Tonight, I asked her if she liked staying with me and Hudson more or going to school more. She said "school" with a "duh" kind of response. I have been working myself into a tizzy over not spending all my days and nights with her and Hudson, and she gave me that little nugget. Sometimes, Mommy does get it right, even when I think I have it all wrong.

Ode to Packaged Foods

Oh, how I love you, packaged food From goldfish to gummies Fruit cups and mac'n'cheese Rice krispie treats 100 calorie packs And, yes, baby food You fill Hannah's tummy Bring smiles to her face You keep me on track While I stay in the race Hudson loves your many flavors On the run or at school Much simpler than homemade And, you bring on his drool. I know you're not as healthy And we'll pay down the line But you're easy, and you please me and I'm glad that you're mine!

My boy

Hudson is such a HAPPY boy! I am blessed with his easy going attitude, his gorgeous gaze that pulls you in, and his contagious laugh. We've been practicing all sorts of new tricks. (I feel like I'm talking about a dog!) How big is Hudson? SO BIG! He puts his hands up on his ears... He's been working on waving, and today he started waving to strangers. First, the women behind us in line, and then Hudson started waving like crazy to the lady behind the counter. Luckily, she responded in kind, so they waved back and forth and laughed at each other. Today was a huge day for Hudson. He said DA, he waved, and he sat up by himself. He has been saying consanants: M, G, B, L, W, and even a TH type of sound. Da Da Da Da finally got added to the list! I don't think he associates it with Daddy yet, but at least he can say it when he's ready! On the way to VBS, he and Hannah cracked each other up in the car. He laughs so hard, it is almost a cackle. He is super ticklish -- on the back, booty, thighs, underarms, and neck. He also anticipates my tickles, and laughs when I say, "I'm gonna get your sugars," even when I don't reach in for the tickle. He'll laugh at all sorts of things (even his sister's tantrums)! My very favorite thing Hudson does: in the middle of a very dramatic screaming cry with huge tears, I'll pick him up or take him from his daddy (or whoever has him). He stops mid-sob, puts his head on my shoulder and smiles. Nothing feels better than that love. I love my momma's boy!

Rules to live by

I regularly read that kids need structure, limitations, and rules. I am the worst at structure -- bedtime last night was 7:30; tonight it will be 8:30 or 9. I am regaining strength on limitations. The first 6-8 weeks of Hudson's life, Hannah got by with things because I was either nursing, tired, or just couldn't think of a reason to not give in. (Yes! We are paying the price royally now that we are trying to put limits back in place!) But rules, those I get -- and, boy, does Hannah. Hannah overheard me saying "butt," and said, "Excuse me, Mommy," in her craziest voice. "We don't say butt." She saw a guy standing on the roof of a house he was building, and she said, "We don't stand on houses." One day, out of the blue, she asked "Are you rich?" First, I thought she said a word that rhymes with rich. But, once I figured out what she was saying, I was confused on where she even heard the word. Turns out, she was quoting Cars, and didn't know what the word meant just knew that "Lightning McQueen asks Sally that." So, I explain what rich means, the best you can to a 2-year-old. Then, tell her that it's really not a very nice question to ask people. When we watched Cars next, she told me that Lightning made a bad choice by asking Sally that question. (Her memory scares me because it'd been a month since we watched the movie and had the conversation.) We were watching men's figure skating that I recorded last night, and she was concerned with two things: 1. "Did his buttons break?" Huh? "His shirt is open. Did his shirt tear?" and 2. "We are not supposed to twirl like that. We can get dizzy." Well, they took lessons to learn how to spin without getting dizzy, so it's okay for them. It's cute... Until her friends come over, and she tells them, or worse, comes and tells me in front of their parents, "Johnny was jumping off the fireplace. We don't jump off the fireplace." So, now I try not to give her rules with we. I stress that these are her rules, but they may not be the rules for everyone. Of course, now that she's almost 3, she is trying to test those rules occasionally. But, most of all she seems to really like the rules -- especially if she can boss someone else around and give them the same rules! :-)

Imagination at work

Hannah's imagination is going crazy these days! A few weeks ago at dinner with Mimi and Pawpaw, she told us that Mimi couldn't drink her diet coke because Na-Na-Naa was in her drink. I can't remember now if that was our first visit with Na-Na-Naa or not, but she was serious that her friend was there. I finally found out that sometimes Na-Na-Naa is a green squirrel, sometimes a panda bear, and sometimes an elephant. Na-Na-Naa can fit in the palm of her hand (or a cup) and works a lot of hours away from us. One morning, Marty the Zebra (yes, she stole this from Madagascar) joined Na-Na-Naa when Hannah woke up and has been with him ever since. Her most recent addition was Cody Masters, who is a boy in an older class at her school that she talks about from time to time. Now, he goes swimming, takes naps, eats dinner and hangs out with us regularly. I did have to draw the line on Cody Masters showering with us. Na-Na-Naa and Marty shower with us, but Cody Masters has caused us to have talks about privacy! Ha Ha! While we were in San Antonio this weekend, Hannah noticed a building across the riverwalk from us with vines growing on it. She said, "Yook (Look)! That building is dressed up like a tree." I love her outlook on things! She goes from being very imaginative to being pretty practical, though. One of her favorite questions this weekend became, "Can a (insert animal here) talk?" She's asked about an elephant, a monster, a robot, a lion, a cow, etc. I ask her what sounds those animals make and explain that is their talking, but they don't talk in the way that people talk unless they're pretend like on TV or in books.